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Life through a screen

I have 3155 friends on Facebook and other 2974 are following me.
I am following 487 people on Instagram and I am followed by 3342.

Today I got 254 Facebook likes, 6 comments and 4 private messages.
Instagram didn’t go too bad either and I managed to comprise about 100 likes and a couple of comments.

Today only one person that lives in the same city with me called me but because I wasn’t around the phone I missed it. Nobody texted me on my phone.

I was born in 1990 and I have developed some sort of superiority complex that makes me believe that the ’90s kids are the last generation that was raised and taught to socialize, not to stay on the phone or tablet all day. My father bought me my first computer when I was 10. I couldn’t do much with it but playing games and listening music. Three years later internet came into my life and everything changed. Like any other teenager back in the days I ended up giving the well-known “asl pls” on Mirc. Getting in touch with strangers from my own bedroom was just unbelievable.

Shortly, I fell in love for the first time by watching a screen. As expected, it was a long distance relationship and A. was from another country. We lived our love story for almost half a year but we never met… What can I say…he was a passionate guy; I can tell by how fast he replied my yahoo messenger Buzz!!!es and by his strange russian accent whispering kind words over the phone in the nights when life seemed a lot easier. He finally dissapeared in the internet ocean of bits. I lost…

I wrote my first blog in 2007. I discovered the free version of Blogspot by mistake and I designed my website by watching tutorials. It looked awful but it was made by me; I was doing something great. All my life I was kept in a cage where I wasn’t allowed to speak my mind. The walls were screaming every day so I found this place where I could express myself freely without being scared or ashamed. I have found myself very easy by pressing one button. I made a home inside my house; right there in my computer. I decided to hide my identify at the beginning so I called it “thread of sand” but later I told all my friends about it because I started to write about some of them. It was fun but very consuming. I abandoned it when I realized that all my stories and a big part of my life has turned into “Gossip Girl” kind of website. I lost again…

I left home 1 year ago and I knew that I am going to wander through cities and countries wide so the very first thing I packed was my laptop. I flew for 12 hours and I had plenty of time to tie a strong relationship with my Toshiba. This time technology was supposed to play its role: get me in contact with family and friends, cure my loneliness, increase my self-esteem, prove others wrong. I was so naive not considering that I can Facetime with my mother but she cannot hug me, I can Skype with my friends but they cannot be here for me when I need them. I can be admired and worshiped on social media but none of those people really know me. I lost again…

When you move to another country it’s hard to make new friends. You cannot just walk out in the street and ask people “hey, I am Cristina, I am new around here, do you want to be my friend?”. I have reached the age when I don’t have the energy to just become friend with anyone. I don’t like clubs, I don’t do drugs with strangers and popping bottles on a Saturday night is really not my thing. I am not into popular gossiping and small talk. I don’t tolerate negative people or the ones who want you to fit in the box they have created for you. You may say I am selective, I think I am just too old for bullshit. One thing is clear: I have managed to make only a couple of friends here and Miami is not the best place in the world for true friendship. That’s why my friends are always one click away and I give myself the false impression that even if they are hidden behind a screen, they can be part of my life. I lost again…

I have blocked off many of my senses while staring at a screen. I thought I can love and be loved on-line, I thought I can keep friends around. When I’m lonely I play Norah Jonas and I stalk other people’s Facebook profile. Every time the night becomes unfriendly I log in and get high on this false sense of security and appreciation. When nobody calls, I take selfies and I post them on my timeline looking for someone. I get likes at my disposal thinking that these people care for me. I started to value my worth based on comments and inbox messages filled with colorful words that have no depth. Technology now captures life but simultaneously keeps me out of it. Experience through a recording device cannot become a part of me on a cellular level. I can’t own my experience because it is not own-able, not in a concrete sense. How can I feel like I am in my life if I am not there when it’s happening?

I’m losing what is real chasing behind what only appears to be…

♥ Cristina

staring through a screen

stop staring through a screen

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Photo Credits: Adrian Camera

Cristina Mitu

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  • First of all! I love those white pants. Second of all, WOW. Thanks for writing this. I also feel the same way about social media sometimes. It has become an age of who is the most famous in Instagram or Facebook. I used to feel the same way about Miami, but thank to my church family I have discovered new people with I share the same values. Hope to see you around one day! 1989 child here 😉

  • COMMENTS (2)

    1. Jannely Espinal 16th March 2016 at 3:39 pm -

      First of all! I love those white pants. Second of all, WOW. Thanks for writing this. I also feel the same way about social media sometimes. It has become an age of who is the most famous in Instagram or Facebook. I used to feel the same way about Miami, but thank to my church family I have discovered new people with I share the same values. Hope to see you around one day! 1989 child here 😉

      Reply
    2. Valentin 13th March 2016 at 7:46 am -

      Profund și realist

      Reply

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